Introducing the Aspirational Phase Don't want to read? Watch it here. The word Retirement can mean all kinds of things. Some people might imagine sitting around and watching TV most days while some envision older folks walking along the beach in Europe and laughing as they drink Limoncello. Some don’t think it’s ever going to be possible and so they don’t allow themselves to think about it.   Retirement is different for everybody, and that’s the point, but it can be surprising to hear that retirees suffer some of the highest rates of depression, of any group. So let’s talk about why that is, and how to retire better. ( https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7551681/ )    Retirement Factors Retirement can be awesome and it can be a bummer. Money has a big influence on how happy a person is on retirement, but it’s not the only factor. Other things that determine happiness in retirement are: Health : keeping an exercise regiment and healthy eating provide improved bodily health which effects mental health. Managing a daily schedule or routine , so there’s some semblance of time being tracked. Contribution : this includes having on impact on things that are greater than the self, whether that’s community, charities, group endeavours, church, family, friends or business. Goal-Setting : This is a useful tool for getting enough dopamine. If we combine Goal-Setting and Contribution, we get close to the concept of Purpose. Purpose is effectively a reason to get up in the morning and stay motivated throughout the day. Social Engagement : a person can be social with friends, but it could even be interacting with a friendly cashier, someone you see whilst walking through the park, but the more meaningful the social engagement is, the higher degree of happiness. Environment : from city-slickers to woodsmen, everyone has their own preferred environment. It’s important to get time in the environments that a person wants to be in. Intellectual Engagement :  this doesn’t mean being an academic, but it does mean using one’s expertise and gifts so they are focused on things that they enjoy. This feeds back into contribution.   What’s interesting is the list above does not explicitly state things like travel, family, avoiding problems, how long someone spends in retirement. It’s not because those things don’t matter, it’s because they are specific to individuals, so travel might be part of Goal-Setting, social engagement, changing one’s environment, and managing a schedule, while family will be part of social engagement, contribution and purpose.   The funny thing about retirement is, work can be an incredible solution for many of these things. What this means is, retirement can be structured in all kinds of different ways, but generally most people have a view of retirement that looks like this: The standard phases for a working person's life In your young years, you go to school, get trained and learn. This is the Adolescence Phase of life. Then comes Adulthood , which are the working years. These are also the years when most people report highest levels of stress and lowest levels of happiness. ( https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18316146/ ) . Then we think comes the Retirement ages when we clock out of work for the last time, and relax until the end.   While this can work for many people, it’s not the only way. Here's an example: A person might have soft-retirement  where they work half time for some extra years. Perhaps a person takes sabbaticals throughout their career which is more common in academia but anyone could do it. Phased retirement  is where someone scales back and finishes off years later (or keeps going forever). Some folks might take time to retrain for a mid-life reinvention  so they can switch careers There’s a temporary soft-retirement  that is common for parental leave but it could be the family traveling in a campervan for a couple of years. We also have the “I’m Good”  version which is work will always be a way of life, and that’s ok. These are all just models, and as the George Box quote goes,  “All models are wrong, but some are useful”  The reality is, that Lifestyle Planning is messier and less predictable. So some people will have a false start retirement where they retire from a corporate career, get bored, go back to work for a small business for some time, and then resume their retirement. Many people nowadays change careers several times. And it’s more common to see a mix of training/education that extends further into life as retirement comes in waves. It’s not truly knowable, but understanding that these things will change, makes it easier to plan for.   The truth is, the secret ingredient that most people don’t think of in retirement, at least before they’ve given it some thought is…. Work. Work does not have to mean clocking in and doing a shift at the factor, but work in a sense of something that enables the happiness and meaning during retirement like: Health Having daily schedule Contribution to something bigger than one’s self Goal-setting Having purpose Social engagement Engaging one’s mind Work can and often does provide lots of those things. Remember, work may not do all the things,  that you want, which is why having some sense of autonomy will help balance that out If you want to spend more time with your grandkids, working 60 hours per week may not be for you. For example: If you want to travel for 3 months in each year, then having some kind of work that is flexible will be important. Work might be simply volunteering for a non-profit entity or tutoring children outside of school hours.  These are personal choices which is why they are so important.   What about Retiring Early? This is one big problem with the FIRE notion, or “Retire Early”, because that means a person has more years of their life to fill with something, that is NOT work. If someone retires at 45 and doesn’t work ever again, they might have 50 years of twiddling their thumbs or finding ways to fill their calendar and stave off depression.   Let's Wrap This Up Given work is an important factor throughout life and retirement, at Irvine Wenborn, we like the idea of ‘retiring the concept of retirement’. We prefer to call it “The Aspirational Phase”.   The reason is because if planned well, retirement can be a time when people get the chance to live out their life’s work and enjoy the aspirations that they might have been putting off.   Let’s not forget that all of this does still require money to fund the type of life that most people want to live. When we combine the Lifestyle and happiness factors with money considerations, then we’re on track for a better, more holistic Aspirational Phase of life. Remember:  “Don’t simply retire from something; have something to retire to.” – Harry Emerson Fosdick

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Finding an adviser is not always easy. Many people tend to take advice from those that are closest to them because it’s easy and they trust those people. This can have some benefits, but it can cause some damage, if the person giving advice isn’t an expert in what they’re talking about. The problem is even worse when you consider financial advisers who also aren’t very knowledgeable or good at their jobs. Afterall, why would you want to pay someone that can’t even really help you. So if someone chooses to work with an adviser, they are in a tricky spot because they want help, but they may not really know what to ask or how to determine if an adviser is brilliant beyond belief or... not so much. Here's a list of 9 questions that we think are helpful for scouting and testing an adviser to see if they are a good match for you: Are you a fiduciary? The answer here should be “yes”. If not, keep looking. If the adviser doesn’t know or can’t tell you what body oversees their fiduciary duty , that’s also a fail. Helpful hint: just being an ‘adviser’ does not automatically qualify someone as a fiduciary (They must have higher accreditations to an authorised body). How much do I pay you, and how much do you get paid? This sounds like the same question – it isn’t! Commissions can influence advisers and is considered compensation, even though the client doesn’t pay it directly. Ideally, the answer from the adviser is the same for both of those. What is your value? Answers will vary. Only you can determine if what they say resonates with you. How will you keep me from being my own worst enemy? Answers will vary. Just like #3, only you can determine if what they say resonates with you. This has more to do with behaviour because an investors' behaviour will determine their relationship with money and how well they can build wealth over time. A good adviser helps investors make smart choices, and avoid overreacting to bad news. What are your credentials? Ideally, they can tell you they have done more than the minimum level 5 qualification . Hopefully they can tell you that they have gone above and beyond the lowest requirement, because they want to learn how to help their clients more. What is your investment philosophy? This should be clear, but it might not be short. Here at Irvine Wenborn, we follow what is called " Evidence-Based Investing ". It's simple, low-cost, index tracking, and goes with the most historical evidence. If an adviser gives an answer that is something like "we pick the best investments" then more explaining is required. Tell me about your conflicts of interest? Hint: all advisers have conflicts of interest. In fact, anyone dealing with money has conflicts (think of a salesperson trying to get you to buy something that you don't need… that’s a conflict). Despite that, an adviser should be up front about getting paid, and also be able to articulate any other conflicts of interests. The more conflicts, the bigger potential problem there is. What complaints have been lodged against you and why? What were the outcomes? This speaks for itself. If an adviser has a long list of poor interactions with previous clients, move along. What is your succession plan? If an adviser can’t tell you what happens if they die or retire, can you feel good about which direction your money is headed? Helping clients with estate planning is important, so your adviser should walk the walk, not just talk the talk. This is not an exhaustive list, but it's a very good start. If there are other concerns you have, you ought to voice them. One very beneficial question that should follow each of these questions is, "why?" Asking an adviser "why" is a great way to assess how deep they truly understand their craft. It's likely the greatest question available to anyone. Lastly, there are some incredible advisers that understand numbers better than anyone else, but sometimes they just can't connect with their clients and we feel that because you could be working with an adviser for multiple decades, your adviser should be someone that you like . If you don't, it might be time to shop around and find someone that 'gets you'.

You may have heard the phrase The Great Intergenerational Wealth Transfer . It’s a mouthful, but it refers to something very human: over the next few decades, a huge amount of wealth will move from one generation to the next. In New Zealand and around the world, people are inheriting homes, savings, investments—or sometimes, just decisions to make. For many, this idea might feel distant or even a bit awkward. Money and family are two things we often avoid mixing in conversation. But here’s the thing: if you still have parents, grandparents, or even older aunties and uncles, there’s a good chance you might one day inherit something. And that’s worth preparing for—emotionally, practically, and financially. Here are three things to keep in mind when it comes to your Wealth Transfer: #1 Receiving an Inheritance: A Gift, But Also a Responsibility (Tip & Myth) The quote 'with great power comes great responsibility' could have just as easily been about 'great money', because inheriting wealth sounds like a good problem to have... And in many ways, it is. But when the time actually comes, it can feel overwhelming. You might wonder, Am I making the most of this? What if I mess it up? Should I pay off debt, invest, give to the kids, or put it away for retirement? The truth is, having more options doesn’t always make decisions easier—it can make them harder. That’s why having a financial sounding board, someone to help you weigh your choices and understand the long-term impacts, can make a huge difference. Ideally, you talk to someone before anything happens—not just after. Extra, ideally, that person is a professional, who knows how to help navigate that chat. #2 Eventually, the Roles Reverse (Tip) It’s a funny thing about time—it moves faster than we expect. One day we’re the ones with ageing parents, and the next we’re the ones writing Wills and wondering how best to support our adult children. There’s a quiet truth in the old saying, “this too shall pass.”  At some point, we’ll all pass on what we’ve built, whether it’s a house, a bit of savings, or just the example we leave behind. The best way to make sure what we leave is helpful—not confusing or burdensome—is to have the right documents in place. A valid Will is essential. Enduring powers of attorney are equally important, especially if your health changes suddenly. For some families, setting up a trust might also make sense. These aren’t just boxes to tick—they’re practical tools that can protect what you’ve worked hard for and reduce stress for your family when it matters most. #3 And Sometimes, There’s Nothing Left to Pass On (Tip & Myth) Not everyone will leave behind a tidy inheritance. In fact, with people living longer than ever before in New Zealand, a lot of retirees will need to stretch their savings further than expected. Long-term care—whether at home or in a facility—can be expensive, and it’s often needed for years, not months. Understanding Aged Care Costs: A Breakdown of Basic, Care, Accommodation, and Additional Services Fees. It’s entirely possible that someone could enter retirement with $500,000 saved and see most of it go toward care costs. That doesn’t mean they did something wrong—it just means they lived a long life in a system that’s changing. But planning ahead, even just a little, can help protect against that risk. There are ways to structure your finances that can preserve some wealth, or at the very least make sure your needs are met without putting pressure on your family. Start thinking about your Great Intergenerational Wealth Transfer before it's here The Great Intergenerational Wealth Transfer can be great, but like all things in life, it's not guaranteed to be. Money is a deeply personal topic, and so is family. But waiting for a “perfect time” to talk about either usually means waiting too long. Whether you're potentially inheriting or thinking about what you’ll one day leave behind, starting the conversation now can help avoid confusion and regret later. You don’t need to have all the answers—just a willingness to ask a few good questions. That’s often where clarity begins. Sources: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Wealth_Transfer https://www.investopedia.com/navigating-the-great-wealth-transfer-8697256 https://berl.co.nz/economic-insights/great-wealth-transfer-and-inequality

If you see someone driving a car worth $100,000 you might feel a sense of envy, but let’s stop and think about that. Maybe it's not a car that you desire, but it's a luxurious holiday that you see pictures of online, or a beautiful home, or something else entirely. That's actually beside the point though. Let's just say it is a nice car but let's pause to realise, in that moment all that is known, to be verifiably true is that that person has a car worth $100,000. Now, that almost certainly means they now have $100,000 less than they did before buying the car (or they have $100,000 more debt). That’s the fact. Here’s what we don’t see though: · Their bank statements · Their happiness · Their investments · Their life satisfaction · Their relationships and well-being Wealth is much more based on abstract stuff rather than the material things someone owns and it's difficult to see something that isn't visible to the human eye. Think about the saying, “you can’t have your cake and eat it too.” That’s exactly how money works ! The more you spend, the less money you have, and the more ‘stuff’ you accumulate instead. There are many people in the world that look modest but have more money than they would ever need. On the other hand, there are many on the opposite side that have flash lifestyles but live pay check to pay check. It's actually more common than you might think, and a good example is found in a book called, The Psychology of Money , where the author describes two men: Ronald Read was a janitor his whole life, who saved his money whole life, spent it carefully and died with more than $8M in his accounts. Richard Fuscone was a Merrill-Lynch CEO, Harvard educated MBA, who lost everything. Read was patient, while Fuscone was greedy, and that eclipsed the massive differences between the two. (If you're wondering what's happened to Richard Fuscone, you can follow him on LinkedIn . He's a Principal for an advisory company in the US.) So, what can you do about your spending? The best thing to do is start saving something to an account that is out of your everyday view. If you pay yourself first, then your spending will automatically follow. This is the best solution to adjust your spending, without having to re-prioritise your entire budget. You can also choose your peers carefully, because you are not the Joneses . This may sound cold, but remember it’s hard to not compare to others around us. If you spend most of your time around people who either are millionaires or spend like they are millionaires, you’re spending is likely to be similar. If you spend most of your time around Nepalese monks, you are less likely to buy a Ferrari. This makes sense because how would you learn to spend if you didn’t have any role models or people to compare to? Our peers determine a lot about our spending habits. So choose your peers wisely, because you’re also inadvertently choosing your spending too. Celebrity icon, Rihanna , has more money than most of us (not necessarily more wealth). The issue for Rihanna is that she almost declared bankruptcy and she tried to sue her financial adviser who replied with “was it really necessary to tell her that if you spend money on things, you will end up with things and not the money?” – In this case, it seems like the answer is, “yes”. Even if it’s not necessary, it’s still a good reminder. Think about it, wanting to spend a million dollars is literally the exact opposite of wanting to have a million dollars. Wealth gives you the choice (but not the obligation) to spend on something later - Anything ( here's an article that talks about why saving now and not spending until later has an unintended benefit ). Wealth provides flexibility, options, and the opportunity to grow and do more in the future.

It’s easy to make a million dollars... ... If you are patient. It’s hard to make a million dollars if you’re a human though, because there’s always “a new thing” that makes it really difficult to be, well… patient. There’s always something new that we want or need to buy and we can tell ourselves, “I’ll start saving in the future”… but what about when the future arrives? If a person saves $500 per month and gets a 7.5% return for 40 years, they will end up with a little over $1.5m (it’s $1,511,911 to be precise). That could mean someone saves from the age of 19 – 58 or it could be from age 31 – 70, it really doesn’t matter. The problem is, humans don’t tend to think quite like that because life happens. Let’s like at an example of a typical person, called Bob. Bob wants to save some of his money for the future. It’s not clear what, but he knows that saving is important because his parents always saved and everyone else seems to do it. Bob is 23 years old and makes good enough money that he can save $1,000 per month. After 8 years of investing his savings in an evidence-based portfolio, Bob has just under $131,000. That’s pretty good. Bob is on track, right? Well, it depends on the choices Bob makes in the future, because it’s not over. After 8 years, Bob is 31 years old and thinks “Maybe I want to buy a house…” And you know what? That’s just what Bob does. He buys a property. But in order to have enough deposit, Bob has to withdraw all his investment savings, so he goes back to $0, and then starts over. It doesn’t seem like a big deal, because Bob tells himself that he’s a good saver and and he’ll get pay rises so he can save even more in the future. It won’t be hard to make it up. In other words, Bob is taking an early withdrawal. Maybe that’s all true (maybe it’s not), but let’s see what that 8-year difference makes in Bob’s future. If Bob kept saving all the way until age 65, without ever withdrawing for his deposit, he’d have a tad over $3.5M ( $3,537,347 ). Instead, Bob withdrew at 31 and started over, so he’ll still be ok because he can save and he knows he’ll earn more. Afterall, how much is he missing out on from those 8 years? Maybe a little. Well… maybe a lot more than a little. Bob’s final balance of saving from 31-65 will be $1,872,939, which is $1,664,407 less , compared to saving from age 23-65.   Basically, Bob will have half as much money in retirement for withdrawing his early years of saving. That's how taking early withdrawals hurts your future and this is just one quick example, that shows why it’s important to let your wealth compound, uninterrupted for as long as you possibly can. A little withdrawal can have a big effect. Of course buying a house is a big decision and most people that can, choose to do it at some point, but just be aware that using your savings and wealth for one thing can come at the expense of something else (such as your future, having security or choices, being financially independent sooner, travel, etc). If you’re wondering what a practical solution it, it’s quite simple. Nothing. All you have to do is nothing. Don’t withdraw. Set aside some money and savings that can be used for things through your life, but make sure you keep some buckets of money that are protected and only used for the long-term stuff. If you never touch the long-term buckets of money, then they grow more than you can imagine because the human brain thinks about things in straight lines. We can do the math for 8 + 8 + 8 + 8 + 8. Human brains don’t naturally calculate compounding, so it’s hard to quickly answer what is 8 x 8 x 8 x 8 x 8. Just remember, dollars that are used today for something, are dollars that you can’t use later for anything. In other words: “You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not by smashing it” – Arnold Glasglow

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Matt Wenborn - Dec 2024 As a Certified Financial Planner, I assist those of all walks of life, with their own unique stories, however fundamentally, all of my clients can fit somewhere on this graph, either they are on track to run out of money, or they will never spend all of it. For those whose situations resembles the green line above, it is an interesting conversation. When I show the green line to my clients, many for the first time can see that they are able to fulfil their financial goals and objectives comfortably. This erodes away a lot of anxiety and answers the question, ‘am I going to be okay’? We even work on the green line, so it more closely resembles the purple line in the graph below. But, why on earth would I want to do that? Essentially my client now has less money at the end of their life than they would have if they haven’t spoken to me at all. And that, is the point. The difference between the green and purple line is my client utilizing their wealth on things that bring happiness to their life. That may be travel, philanthropy and gifting, home renovations or something else entirely. The point being my clients are using their wealth to bring a greater degree of joy and purpose in their lives. Sometimes, I see people with say, a green line type scenario and after running through all the data and offering differing probabilities of favourable and unfavourable market conditions the line still goes up. Even at that point some of my clients are still not willing to spend, and sometimes those individuals continue to lead a very frugal lifestyle. This is a tricky point of contention, and the reason for the article. Many of you may be reading this thinking this must be rare. You might be thinking, ‘If I had the money, I’d be spending it!’ It’s not rare at all. Anecdotally, I see this more often than you may think! A study by Black Rock found that the vast majority of retirees still have at least 80% of their savings after two decades in retirement. A further study from the Employee Benefit Research Institute surveyed average retirees between age 62 and 75 and found that three-quarters of them had seen their assets remain the same or grow in retirement. That means their line is looking like the green line, more so than the purple. To me, that is not a good outcome. I sat down with Rebekha, a clinical psychologist to try and get to the bottom of why this is occurring and what can be done to circumvent this. Here's what we discussed... 1. Changing your mentality (Spender vs. Saver) Rebekha stated this could be due to a multitude of reasons. One reason is that a saving mentality is much different than a spending mentality. Someone may have conditioned their brain to save for 40+ years and that is an extremely difficult mindset to break. To go from accumulating all your life to de-cumulating is a completely opposite skill set, and potentially a scary prospect for some individuals and may bring about a sense of anxiety. One way to circumvent this is look at the numbers and trust the financial projections. By running multiple financial scenarios with differing rates of return (both good and bad) will help overcome the anxiety of running out of money. I mentioned to Rebekha that we do this regularly with our clients however, some clients are still reluctant to spend. Rebekha went on to say, that sometimes it’s as simple as dipping your toe in the water and spending a little bit to get comfortable with it. This may be via a small regular monthly withdrawal, or a small lump sum. Either way, by just trying a little bit, it helps you to slowly become accustomed to changing the save to spend mindset. Rebecka went on to say the same could be said for investing... If you have received a windfall, to make yourself feel more at ease you could slowly drip feed yourself the money to help assist with anxiety. There are multiple stories on scams, so anxiety behind investment is warranted but sometimes doing nothing is just as bad. 2. Changing your spending habits? Have your spending habits or expenses changed over time? This can be often seen in the case of empty-nester's or those who have suffered a relationship loss. An example of this could be... You were spending money frequently on financial dependents, or prior to the loss in relationship, traveling regularly with your partner? Has this changed drastically, and you are now spending far less? Although difficult, try to remember and ask yourself the following questions: 'Are the things I always thought I wanted coming true?' If you enjoy travel, 'Could I travel with friends or family?' If you enjoyed frequently dining out, 'Could you do this with friends or family?' Nothing will ever replace the loss; however, you can still enjoy the things you once did, just in a different way. Do you find yourself wondering, 'what it would be like if…?' Sometimes the anticipation is far more anxious and scary than the action. And sometimes, there may be something getting in the way of actioning a spend. Be honest with yourself and ask yourself what that might be so you can begin to overcome it. 3. Do your homework. Research. Rebekha mentioned that another great way is to look at the evidence and data. Do your own research and due diligence and find out what the data says, rather than someone’s opinion. You don’t need to turn into a financial specialist, however reading an article here or there about spending patterns, rates of return or risks to avoid wouldn’t hurt. The more educated you are on the topic, the more likely this will erode some of the anxiety you may have around spending in retirement. As a financial planner, I can empathize here. Unpredictable factors such as; market performance, life expectancy and health issues make spending your money easier said than done. Some people may be hesitant to tap their savings because they think, “I have X amount of dollars which must last the rest of my life, but I my future is uncertain. So, if I spend too much too soon, I’m putting myself in jeopardy.” Although I run projections for my clients, to help them see if they can afford to spend a little more than they assume, I also tell them, “Now the money is doing the work [so they] don’t have to” and that seems to help people. 4. What else can help me? Fundamentals such as diaphragmatic breathing, diet and activity or exercise can also help calm spending anxiety. Potentially, 1 or 2 sessions with a clinical psychologist can help because talking though your concerns with someone out of your regular support network is often a prudent thing. Sometimes family can be too close. A clinical psychologist can give you support and guide you with things to work on. Ask yourself: 'What is the purpose of the money? To have it? Or to use it as a tool to do what you want and to avoid what you don’t want?' Ask yourself what you want to accomplish and to view savings as the means to an end. In conclusion, as a financial planner it seems (for most people) there’s a little voice in the back of their head telling them, “Sure, it worked out for most people in the past but what if the future is different?" "What if I retire at the worst possible time?” I totally understand this sentiment. It can be a scary proposition to leave the working world behind and be forced to cover the majority of your expenses from your life savings. You have to budget for your basic cost of living, travel, healthcare, inflation, taxes and any unexpected expenses. Plus, there’s the added bonus of having no idea what future returns in the markets will look like. My advice to those with any resemblance of financial anxiety, is to reach out and ask for advice. It always comes back to the same basic question, ‘am I going to be okay, and if not, what do I need to do?' We can give clarity around this and in many instances, give you a small push into better realizing your financial goals and objectives when monetarily these may be achievable, something is just getting in the way. In many instances, we can overcome those hurdles together. If you have questions or queries with regards to this article, or if you would like to reach out regarding your financial planning goals and objectives feel free to contact me. Matt Wenborn Director – Certified Financial Planner cm   021 495 190 matt@irvinewenborn.co.nz

Matt Wenborn - Dec 2024 In 1969, Doctor Elisabeth Kubler-Ross a Swiss-American psychiatrist established a theory that defines emotional stages that people go through after losing a loved one. According to her findings, everybody who has suffered a loss must go through all the stages of sorrow. How does this apply to your finances? Well, money is essentially a means to an end – its’ a tool. It’s what we ultimately do with that money that helps to satisfy our financial goals, ambitions, and objectives. Too often I see individuals that have suffered a devastating loss in which they never emotionally recover from. By not emotionally recovering from this loss, many of those financial dreams become unfulfilled when many times, monetarily speaking they can be comfortably achieved. Everyone's grief experience is different and, while Doctor Ross’s theory recognizes ‘grief phases’, it is crucial to emphasize that they are not rigid: the stages might overlap or, you may revert to earlier phases. 6 Stages of Grief Below is an adaptation of Dr Ross’s 1969 report in which I have categorized into six grief phases. My hope is that this will help individuals recognize the feelings that they may encounter and how in the abnormal situation of loss, the feelings they are experiencing is actually quite normal. By recognizing and then overcoming these phases, it is my expectation that individuals will be in a better emotional position to achieve their financial dreams. Shock ‘Sad things happen. They do. But we don’t need to live sad forever’. Mattie Stepanek The shock phase begins as soon as one learns of the loss. You have a concept of what happened, but you aren't aware of its full ramifications. Even if we believe we have had enough time to prepare for the loss of a loved one, shock is unavoidable in almost every circumstance. We know it will happen, but not right away, not that day. Typical types of thoughts that you may encounter at this phase can make you feel alone, vulnerable, and insecure. This period is typically characterised by a torrent of enquiries. There may be questioning of yourself or others, seeking immediate and definitive answers. Give yourself some time. Over time as the dust begins to settle everything will begin to make sense. There are ways in which to combat or reduce shock. You can attempt meditation or other relaxing interests, or physical activity such as going for walks to distract yourself, however this phase might linger for days, weeks, or even months. Denial ‘Denial ain’t just a river in Egypt’. Unknown Following shock, the second phase is denial. Denial is a normal reaction to overwhelming situations and surroundings. Individuals may refuse to face reality and keep their feelings bottled up. Many people who go through loss believe that if they don't accept the reality, the loss didn't truly happen, allowing for a reconciliation, such as in the case of a divorce. In the case of a break-up, during this period, it is typical to call, follow on social media, or text excessively in order to postpone the process of dealing with grief. People frequently mention a ‘mental fog’ in addition to shock and denial. These symptoms might include forgetfulness, loss of attention, insomnia, lack of motivation, recurrent thinking, and inability to make a choice. Denial sometimes gives individuals the time to gather your strength for something you know you must face soon. It is essential to realize that shutting down or ignoring reality will only leave you stuck during this phase. To move forward, try to accept the present, even if it hurts. Denial can be tricky and scary, but overcoming it can be as simple as surrounding yourself with trustworthy, supportive people and opening up emotionally. Living an honest life and dealing with your emotions head-on is a path to successful, sustained recovery. Confide in a friend or pen your feelings and fears in a journal. This stage leads directly into the “Anger Phase,” which can happen quickly after the denial phase. Anger ‘Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured’. Mark Twain Your heart shifts from sad to hostile throughout this time. In the event of a break-up, fury aimed at the ex for his or her involvement in the breakup, or maybe at yourself for your role, fuels it. Many people engage in aggressive behaviour at this time, such as deleting old photographs, holding their ex's possessions hostage, slandering their ex, or worse. Anger at oneself can be characterized by a lot of negative self-talk or regretful and furious internal dialogues. All is being done to find something or someone to blame. When someone realizes that denial is no longer an option, they get frustrated, often with individuals close to them. Some people may take their frustrations out on loved ones and other family members. It's common to feel angry after a loss, and many individuals may try to keep this stage of sorrow buried. This is a difficult stage because you may not be ready to let go of your hopes and future plans for this relationship, and you want answers to comprehend what occurred. In the case of a break-up, in many instances there is a perception that the ex has all the answers and that they also hold the key to happiness, since one conversation with them may turn things around and stop the misery, restoring things to their previous state. Anger is a tough feeling to cope with, and it is easy for people to dismiss it, therefore it is critical to find someone with whom you can relate to honestly. Try writing your feelings down, practicing relaxation strategies such as listening to music or deep breathing exercises, or engaging in physical activity. Studies have shown this can reduce stress. Also, recognize when it is time and how to get help from a therapist or Psychologist. Bargaining ‘Love knows no bargaining’. Swami Vivekananda The bargaining stage involves making commitments to yourself or a higher entity and begging the universe for a second chance. An individual facing loss may seek rationale where there is none and may feel guilty or to blame for their actions. The bargaining stage of relationship sadness is typically characterised by anxiety and uncertainty. It's also the time when couples may try to reconcile just to split up again a few weeks or months later. In the bargaining stage of grief, people attempt to postpone their sadness by imagining ‘what if’ scenarios. Individuals may also feel a sense of guilt or responsibility, leading them to bargain for ways to prevent more emotional pain or future losses. In the case of a break-up, it's critical to evaluate and consider why the partnership didn't work. This act will assist the mind in adjusting to the new reality rather than easily clinging to false hopes. Staying grounded in reality, understanding that the agony one is feeling will pass, provides place for individual development and stability. If possible, cutting off all contact with the ex is a healthy way so that you can focus your time and energy on emotional rehabilitation. The no contact rule is a most effective strategy to maintain a healthy distance from the ex. Relationship grief's bargaining stage may be both perplexing and distressing. Still, it allows you to reconnect with yourself, and chart a new positive course in life. Depression ‘You will feel better than this, maybe not yet, but you will. You just keep living until you are alive again’. Unknown. The tangle of emotions that frequently accompany the mourning of a loved one or a divorce process can lead to feelings of sorrow, loneliness, worry, and dismay. Sometimes the pain is too great to endure. Someone may ponder the meaning of existence or wish to be reunited with a deceased loved one. Dealing with your emotions and realities might feel all too daunting once you comprehend the enormity of your loss. There may be numerous days of profound unhappiness that mimics moderate depression. It might be difficult to remember life before the relationship during this stage. Getting out of bed or routine day to day tasks can be challenging for many people. During this period, it is critical to surround oneself with optimism. Maintain contact with friends and family and do your best to not retreat from life. Increase your physical activity and confront your worries. Don't avoid the things that are challenging for you, limit your alcohol consumption and try to consume a nutritious diet. Above all, know when it's time to seek professional assistance – you don’t have to face your loss alone. Acceptance and hope ‘We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope’. Martin Luther King, Jr Humans, by nature, crave contact, connection, and support, and at some stage in the grieving or loss process individuals will want to engage with friends and family again. Acceptance is about realising you can’t change the circumstances, but that you can gain some control over how you respond. This is also a stage where one may slip backwards and find themselves feeling overwhelmed from all the emotions again. It’s normal to move between any of the stages of grief from hour to hour, or even minute to minute. Acceptance doesn't Ignore the loss. Acceptance means embracing the present (both good and bad) in order to shape the future. It does not mean that we no longer can think about the loved one. Out of sight does not have to mean out of mind. It means that finally one is able to accept the reality of what's happened and begin to look for avenues to move on. It's important that during this stage one accepts how this loss has changed their life and ceases wishing for everything to go back to how it used to be. At first acceptance may simply mean more good days than bad ones. Life continues – never the same, enriched by the lessons one has learnt throughout their journey. This is a huge milestone and accomplishment. This means that now, you choose to no longer waste all your energy on things you can't change and you can begin to look ahead. Are you seeking support? ‘Asking for help is never a sign of weakness. It's one of the bravest things you can do. And it can save your life’. Lily Collins. Conclusion Throughout the phases listed above, each presents a situation where vulnerable people can be taken advantage. In the early stages, such as Shock and Denial, financial decisions can be made with haste and can cause long-term harm, whilst stages such as Bargaining, and Depression lead themselves to being taken advantage of from those who don’t have your best interests at heart. No investment should be implemented without a thorough understanding of your financial goals and objectives, and during this period, your financial goals and objectives are usually clouded and ever changing. As a Certified Financial Planner, I am held to strict fiduciary duties and ethical standards. Client care is at the forefront of my process. If you’re going through a devastating breakup or have lost a loved one through tragic circumstances and your emotions seem to be getting the better of you, don’t hesitate to seek professional help. If you are looking for support, a valuable resource is Find a Clinical Psychologist | NZCCP to help you come to terms with your past, learn strategies to cope with your pain, and move ahead with a positive perspective on life. If you have questions or queries with regards to this article, or if you would like to reach out regarding your financial planning goals and objectives feel free to contact me (below). Matt Wenborn Director – CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER cm   021 495 190 matt@irvinewenborn.co.nz

Matt Wenborn - Dec 2024 Many times, individual financial goals morph into joint financial goals. Examples can include, travel, the reallocation of time together, gifting, philanthropy or leisure activities. Sometimes, those joint financial goals and objectives through the loss of a loved one become individual again. What’s more, sometimes when we lose a loved one, those once joint financial goals do not materialize at all due to the grief of losing the one person you wanted to achieve these with. The goals that were once joint, just don’t feel the same anymore. There is no one set way to grieve, nor a set time frame, however there are evidence-based action steps that you can take to help assist navigating the process. My hope, that even through the loss of a loved one, you can still achieve financial milestones and individual fulfilment. Below is a quick snapshot of the Five Ways to Well-being via the Mental Health Foundation of New Zealand. For more information about the Five Ways to Well-being and the New Economics Foundations report, click this link: Five Ways to Well-being | Mental Health Foundation. Give. Your time. Your words. Your presence. Giving goes beyond simply sharing physical items with others. It involves nurturing a generous mindset and encouraging active engagement in community and social activities. Participating in volunteer work and community service is closely associated with positive emotions and overall well-being. When individuals help others, share their skills, and engage in actions that foster teamwork, they often experience an increase in self-esteem and a boost in their emotional health. The act of giving holds significance for people of all ages. For children, it aids in building strong social understanding, while for adults, it fosters a sense of purpose and enhances self-worth. This is especially true for older adults who may have retired and now have the opportunity to contribute their time and talents to others. Engaging in acts of kindness and generosity not only benefits those receiving help but also enriches the giver's life. It creates a cycle of positivity that strengthens community bonds and promotes a sense of belonging. Ultimately, giving is a vital part of a fulfilling life, encouraging connections and shared experiences among individuals. Be Active. Do what you can. Enjoy what you do. Move your mood. Studies indicate a strong link between engaging in physical activity and improved overall well-being, along with reduced levels of depression and anxiety. It is now recognized as vital for individuals of all ages and has been proven to help slow down cognitive decline associated with aging. Evidence points to the fact that being physically active can boost self-confidence, enhance coping skills in tough situations, and foster a sense of achievement. Additionally, it can promote social connections among individuals, which is another important aspect of mental health. It's important to note that physical activity doesn't have to be intense to be effective. Participating in moderate exercise three to five times a week can greatly lessen symptoms of depression, and even short sessions of less than 10 minutes can lead to noticeable improvements in mood and mental health. Keep Learning. Embrace new experiences. See opportunities. Surprise yourself. Staying curious and setting goals is essential for people of all ages. For kids, this curiosity fosters healthy cognitive and social growth. For adults, it can boost self-esteem, enhance social connections, and encourage a more engaged lifestyle. Additionally, continuous learning has been linked to reducing the risk of depression in later life. In particular, adult learning emphasizes the importance of setting goals, which is closely tied to improved well-being. When individuals create their own goals that are positive and resonate with their personal values, they tend to experience greater satisfaction and fulfilment in life. This process of goal-setting can significantly impact their overall happiness. Learning goes beyond traditional education: it encompasses various ways to nurture curiosity and a desire to explore. Engaging in different activities that stimulate the mind can help maintain an inquisitive attitude, making life more enriching and enjoyable. Embracing this broader view of learning can lead to lifelong benefits for everyone. Take Notice. Appreciate the little things. Savour the moment. Developing skills that allow us to pay attention to our surroundings and our inner thoughts and feelings, both physically and mentally, can really enhance our overall well-being. Even short workshops that cover fundamental techniques can provide benefits that last for years to come. There's been a ton of research on mindfulness, and it shows some pretty great outcomes, like improved self-awareness. This research suggests that being receptive to our experiences can really help us make choices that resonate with our personal needs, values, and interests. When our actions are in sync with what we truly value, it becomes much easier to create lasting changes in how we behave. Some effective strategies that can enhance our well-being include practicing gratitude, embracing forgiveness, engaging in self-reflection, and seeking meaning in our lives. These practices can play a significant role in boosting our overall sense of well-being and happiness. Connect. Appreciate the little things. Savor the moment. Feeling connected to others and being appreciated by them is a basic human necessity. No matter the age, having relationships and engaging in social activities play a vital role in maintaining mental health and serve as a strong defence against mental health issues. When we have solid social ties, they provide us with support, motivation, and a sense of purpose, while a broader social circle enhances our feelings of belonging and self-esteem. The main takeaway from the idea of connection is that dedicating time and effort to both deepen and expand our social networks is crucial for our overall well-being. It’s not just about having a few close friends: it’s about creating a rich tapestry of relationships that can uplift us and help us navigate life’s challenges. Moreover, individual well-being is closely linked to the health of the communities we belong to. Focusing solely on personal gains can be less effective than prioritizing the cultivation of relationships with others. By nurturing our connections, we not only enhance our own lives but also contribute to the well-being of those around us. Matt Wenborn

2024 is now in the rear view mirror. Attached is a review of what took place in markets, however more importantly a collection of materials we have written that our clients have found valuable. Happy New Year, Matt & Cam